When I was pregnant with Sebastien, my husband Nic and I decided we didn’t want to find out the sex of the baby beforehand. It was a long wait, but we waited he was born! Correction: we waited several minutes after he was born because we honestly forgot to check at first.
Seriously, following (almost) 38 weeks of pregnancy and every single day wondering, “Is it a boy or a girl?” I never once thought about gender the second active labor hit. All I wanted was for the pain to end, to meet my baby, and have everything be okay. So when he was finally out and they placed him on my chest, I just held him and cried. It was so emotional and quite honestly (I never use this word but it’s the only way to describe the moment) euphoric. I just was so thankful he was here, it didn’t even cross my mind to check if he was a boy or a girl until the doctor finally said, “Hey guys, umm, don’t you want to know?”
My husband, in the same state of mind as me, suddenly went, “Oh yeah!” Nic was the one who announced, “We have a little boy.” It was a very special, beautiful, overwhelming, yet perfect moment. He was our Sebastien.
So, I get it. Finding out in an ultrasound will never compare to the same level of emotions because there’s just so much going on post-delivery. However, that is how we decided to find out this time for our own reasons. (And truthfully, it really still felt like a huge surprise getting the news in the ultrasound as well!)
I actually always planned to not find out with our first baby but then find out for the second one because I always wanted to experience both ways.
Let me back up for a sec. Because we didn’t find out early with Sebastien, I clearly dreamed daily about both scenarios. We had our boy name and our girl name picked out. I wondered if I would be dressing him in these sleepers, or her in those sleepers. I imagined introducing the world to our son and I imagined introducing the world to our daughter. It almost felt like we were getting one of each, even though I knew for sure I wasn’t having twins. (Hot tip: Don’t ever jokingly ask a pregnant woman, “You sure there’s only one in there? Har har har.”) So the moment I found out he was a boy, as excited as I was to have my boy dream come true, I also had to simultaneously shut the door on the girl dream, either temporarily or forever.
This time, for the first 20 weeks, I had been having the same kinds of daydreams wondering do I get to do this all over again with another amazing little boy? OR, will I have a girl this time and have one of each? I knew I would be grateful for either scenario as they both sound like the perfect family to me.
Therefore, the main reason we wanted to find out this pregnancy is so we could know which dream we had to let go of (as we only plan on having two kids) and which dream we could start to finally envision and get excited for. For us, this is what our final family will be. In fact, leading up to the 20 week ultrasound, I was actually super nervous to know to the point that I almost reconsidered finding out. Ultimately, knowing myself, I decided it would be a lot to process that information in the moments right after giving birth.
Finding out early felt more necessary the second time for planning purposes as well. Do we keep the majority of our first baby’s old clothes, should we make any major changes to the baby room, what do we need to save up for? (etc.) I needed to organize and feel in control in that sense.
Also, I had been told so much about the joys of the additional bonding and I wanted to feel like I already know this baby a little bit. Obviously, I had never known that for sure with Sebastien. Without a doubt, I knew I loved that little baby in there, but I didn’t know who was in there! There certainly is a plus to calling the baby “he” or “she” (or their name if you have decided on one) instead of “it”. In addition, I wanted to help Sebastien know what to expect by referring to the baby as either “he” / “she” or “your little brother” / “your little sister”.
I just know deep down, when I finally held Sebastien for the first time, there was nothing like meeting my baby for the first time. In that moment, as I said, I didn’t even wonder if he was a boy or a girl. All I knew was that’s my baby! My baby is finally here! So I’m hoping that for me, it doesn’t matter that I already know the sex this time, that I will have the same feeling of, “You’re finally here!” when we welcome our…
…second baby BOY into the world.
Yes, we’re having another boy!
I do have to admit, I never envisioned myself as a mom of boys but now I can’t picture it any other way. It’s a relief to know exactly what to look forward to and now I can’t stop dreaming about all the fun adventures we’ll have with our two boys. As for the fact that I’ll likely never have a daughter, as much as we would have also loved having a girl, I believe this is meant to be so I’ve made peace with that. For us this was simply a situation where it was going to be good news either way. Plus, we have three wonderful nieces so I’ll always still have girls in my life. I couldn’t ask for more than being a mom and an auntie.
Truthfully though, I did need a few hours to process the news before we told our families. There are a lot of feelings! Excitement and happiness, yes, but also shock (which I’m certain I would have been with either gender.) They weren’t lying when they told me it’s a surprise whether it’s at 20 weeks or 40 weeks. I get now why people say, “Why force yourself to wait another 20 weeks to find out?” And this time, I happen to agree. But last time, with Sebastien, I would have been devastated if the tech or my doctor slipped it out early to me. It was absolutely not the way I wanted to know last time but fully the way I wanted to know this time.
I feel kind of cool now being in both clubs!
So when it comes to the question: to find out, or not to find out? A lot of people believe there is a wrong way, and I have to say there is no wrong way, as long as you do what you feel is right for YOU.
Now excuse me while I get back to obsessing over potential boy names.
xo – Bri